How to Move Past Regret - Psych Central 12 Apr 2023

Regret is a common feeling that has both negative and positive effects. Knowing how to move past and learn from them is key to your overall well-being.

Regret is a feeling based on the idea that you could have acted differently to produce a more desirable outcome.

Regret can be accompanied by guilt, embarrassment, and self-blame. It can include asking yourself a lot of hypothetical questions: “What if I acted differently? What if I took that opportunity? What if I didn’t say what I said?”

Because you can’t go back in time, you’ll never know the answer to those questions. For that reason, you might ruminate about it — thinking the same thoughts over and over again, wondering what could’ve happened.

You might regret something even when, realistically, there’s nothing you could’ve done, and even if ultimately you believe you made the right choice. The feeling of regret itself isn’t proof that you did the wrong thing — you might simply have complicated feelings about your experience.

Why are regrets harmful? Regret is associated with higher levels of cortisol. Known as the stress hormone, cortisol helps you when you enter flight-or-fight mode. Chronically high levels of cortisol are associated with mental and physical health problems.

According to a 2015 studyTrusted Source, people who are prone to regret are more likely to experience:

depression hopelessness suicidal ideation

Many people ruminate about regrets. Rumination is when you can’t stop thinking about the past, even when you’re having the same thoughts over and over again. With rumination, these thoughts are negative or upsetting in nature.

Although most people ruminate, rumination is associated with certain mental health conditions, including:

depression anxiety post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

It’s not possible to avoid regret entirely. But managing regret in a healthy, positive way can help you learn from the experience.

*Can regrets be a positive thing?8 Regret is a healthy, common feeling that most people feel once in a while. In some cases, regret can even be beneficial.

The benefits of regret can include:

Regret can improve your decision-making skills: While you can’t avoid mistakes altogether, regretting past decisions can help you make better, more thoughtful choices in the future. Regret can motivate you: Sometimes, regrets can motivate you to perform better, take healthy risks, and focus your energy on what matters to you. Regret can help you be more self-aware: Your regrets might teach you about your values, strengths, and weaknesses. Regret can inspire gratitude: You can use your regret to fuel a deeper appreciation for the decisions you don’t regret and the positive things you have in your life. With this said, if your regret is excessive or obsessive, it might do more harm than good. This is especially the case if you linger on regretful thoughts for too long or if you find it hard to think of anything other than your regrets.

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